10 Obvious Signs You Are Having Trust Issues That You Wish You Know Sooner!
You clam up
If you feel like you completely shut down or close up when big issues come up — like talking about the future — you may be struggling with trust issues. Even if you don't know why you clammed up (again the subconscious can be hard to read), it's a sign that you are protecting yourself from something.
Try to link that to something that hurt you in the past and perhaps relate it to how you're feeling now, triggered. Work on that pain separately, and realize that this pain isn't the same in this new relationship. And, of course, talk to your partner about it — communication can help you both work together to keep triggers from coming up again. Make sure to try to tell your partner what you're going through so they can help you.
You predict how people will betray you without evidence of betrayal
If you’re with someone who has a track record of misdeeds, a lack of trust is appropriate. You should proceed fully aware of his or her potential to be devious. However, many of us have trust issues with people who never shown any sign of untrustworthiness.
Still, we anticipate the breach. Why? Trust issues from past experience are being cast into the perceived future, contaminating the present relationship.
You don’t believe what other people tell you
Honesty is an important part of any relationship. When you know someone has lied to you your trust in them is blown. Always wanting to fact check what someone says is a warning sign that you have trust issues. Even if there is no logical reason to doubt what a person has said, you check it out. You ask others if what they said is true. Or, you do a little digging and research to confirm what they are saying.
You're always preparing for the worst
Everyone has moments of doubt when their mind immediately jumps to the worst-case scenarios. We're human, we freak out sometimes—it happens. However, if you're constantly dreaming up dark scenes in your head of your S.O. cheating on you, your BFF gossiping behind your back or any other hurtful situations, it's probably because you have trust issues.
If you're mentally preparing yourself to be hurt, it doesn't seem quite as awful when your bad daydreams come to fruition. However, it can also lead to a constant state of stress and many mistaken accusations hurled at the people you care about. Trusting people ain't easy, and it's even harder when you're always expecting the worst from them.
You always feel the need to sneak a peek at their phone
Not once was there an instance when I could be in my ex-boyfriend’s room with his phone while he was out of the room without sneaking a peek. I’d be sitting on his bed minding my own business and it would be on his dresser just staring at me, tempting me.
Whether it was checking his text messages, recent calls or voicemails, I had to check something. Yes, it gave me a slight sense of security when I didn’t find any dirt, but it also caused me to drive myself nuts.
If he deleted all his messages, I instantly wondered what he had to hide. We would even get in fights when he would put a lock code on his phone because I felt like he just did it because there was something secretive inside that he didn’t want me to see.
Your leash is tight
Another easy way to check if you have trust issues are the boundaries you consciously or unconsciously give. Is liking another girl’s status acceptable? How about phone calls and texts from the opposite sex or simply having a close friend of the opposite sex at all?
A lot of times, when we have trouble trusting someone, we monitor what he or she does and with whom. We get territorial and feel threatened by everyone, when in reality, their eyes are only for us.
Trust is about allowing someone free reign with complete faith. Cutting off all of his friends who are girls won’t do anything but hurt the relationship in the long term.
Getting jealous of with whom she is friendly is keeping her from shining and being herself. When we trust, we trust ourselves, which breeds healthier relationships.
Lack of supporting during crisis
The last time something terrible happened to you, your partner was not there by your side lending emotional support. Or maybe you noticed that they brushed you off with a ‘That’s terrible’ but never offered a shoulder to cry on, let alone any help.
When you have a problem, your partner should be your rock to rely on. They should have your back, but when you have trust issues in your relationship your partner may try to pull away from becoming emotionally involved.
Your crisis is a time of high emotions, at least for you. For someone who isn’t able to open their heart and trust, it’s time to withdraw rather than show emotion.
You feel out of control
A major sign of trust issues that you haven't dealt with is when you're aware your behavior is irrational — the snooping, the panicking — but even with that awareness you can't stop it. You are sick to your stomach that you have this compulsion, but you never saw what happened in the last relationship coming. So even though you know it's not the right thing to do, you can't stop yourself. It's easy to feel out of control.
Admitting you have trust issues affecting your relationship can be difficult, but it's nothing to be ashamed of. So many people struggle with them. You just need to recognize the signs, so you can give yourself a chance to heal.
You test your love
Some people let their insecurities and trust issues manifest into cheating; others do it by refusing happiness. It’s a sign you have trust issues if you find the need to create chaos in order for there to be something to fix again.
Testing your partner's fortitude is something that should have happened when you were deciding whether or not to enter the relationship at all. When you keep testing someone, you will eventually reach a limit, and the relationship will crumble, which will prove your self-fulfilling prophecy correct.
You can't maintain a long relationship
Whether it's a romantic connection or a friendship, trust is the foundation for a long and healthy relationship. Without trust, it's likely that many of your connections won't last very long. In fact, your relationships might be marked by a very intense beginning as you explore an exciting new connection with someone, spending all your time with your new person and declaring that you've finally found someone who truly understands you. However, your trust issues will eventually get in the way, causing your relationships and friendships to burn out after just a few months.
It might seem like it's "just natural" that things "weren't meant to be" or that you "just grew apart," but if you find yourself constantly struggling to maintain long relationships, trust issues might be the problem.
When you get into a relationship, make sure you are ready to give 100 percent. Be with someone you know very well so that letting go to give your all won’t be as hard. Know yourself and make sure your heart has healed from past hurt so it can give maximum output. When you put trust in, you get trust out.3