After Heartbreak Guidelines: 12 Ways To Find The Courage To Love Again
Accept that your old relationship is history
If you want to love again someday, learn to accept that your relationship is over. Many heartbroken lovers pine and dwell over lost relationships like they’ve lost their own lives. It could feel that way, true, but it’s all in your head.
You have the choice to bring a smile back on your face if you choose to. You may feel like it’s a bad thing to be cheerful or have a good time after a breakup, especially when it’s easier to stare at a wall and sadistically feel good about the pain you’re going through.
Heal your heart in a manner that’ll work for you, but don’t spend all the time locked in isolation. Convince yourself that the relationship is over instead of holding your phone in your hand hoping your new ex will call you back and make it up with you. You could fall back into a broken relationship a million times, but you’ll never be happy. Remind yourself that it’s over. As painful as it may seem, it’ll give you the strength to move on.
Take the lessons
The truth is sometimes you have to get knocked down to learn how to stand back up. To open up to love again, you have to look at the lessons your heartbreak taught you about yourself; maybe it taught you to trust your intuition or to love yourself more, or maybe it taught you how to walk away or when to draw the line. Learning from your past mistakes is the only way you can lead yourself to find love you deserve rather than crumbs of love.
Let go of trespasses
When you break up, you feel like you want to blame everyone for causing your heartache. This includes not just your ex, but also their parents, your parents, their friends, your friends, and everyone in between.
The only way to stop blaming others is to forgive them. No matter how grave the offense or how unacceptable their behavior, your healing starts when you let go of the gripe. Yes, it was unfair; yes, it was unjust; and yes, they did you wrong. But there’s nothing to be done now but forgive.
Forgive people, because they, like us, have many imperfections. They know not what they do. They don’t live up to our expectations and have had difficult pasts that we may not understand fully.
Learn to forgive
“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” – Katherine Ponder
Remember that holding a grudge is like injecting yourself with poison over and over again and expecting the other person to suffer. Resentment only affects the person who feels it, and it will hold a dark cloud over your head until you resolve those feelings.
Part of letting go of the past is forgiving those who have caused you pain, so either in person, in writing, or just in your head, offer your forgiveness to those people. Thank them for what you learned during your relationship, and wish them the best in their future. Then, you can finally free yourself from those emotional chains and truly open your heart to love again.
Look to your support system
It is an important life skill to be self-reliant and feels comfortable being alone. But, when dealing with heartbreak, there is only so much you can do for yourself. During this time, it is best to lean on your support system or build one up if you lack a strong support system.
Everyone has different people with whom they feel most comfortable. Your support system may be entirely comprised of friends, or you may prefer to turn to family, or maybe a mixture of the two. Regardless of who your go-to supporters are, make sure you have two or three people who you can text or call when getting over your heartbreak can be too much to handle on your own.
Along with emotional support, these people can prevent you from going back to your ex. Whenever you feel tempted to reach out to your ex, call or text a friend instead. Your support system can help keep you in line so that you do not make any regression in your process of healing from heartbreak to love again.
It is best to have multiple people you can count on, rather than just one friend, so that you do not have to worry about burdening your friends and family too much. You may even want to tell your close friends and family up front what you will need from them while you get over your heartbreak. The people in your life with whom you are close will most likely be more than happy to help.
Accept that love will always be risky
Opening up to someone or falling in love with someone will always be risky and the outcome will never be guaranteed, but as with everything in life, some things are totally worth the risk, sometimes taking the risk is the only way you can actually feel alive.
Let go comparing yourself to others
What I’ve learned is that no relationship is perfect and most relationships look good from the outside. Comparing your relationship to others isn’t very constructive.
Once again, transform bitterness toward others to gratefulness that others have found love in their lives. If others have found love, let that be a message of hope and possibility for you.
We are each on our own journeys to better understanding ourselves and loving better. Our journey is independent of anyone else’s.
Your day will come. Your broken love and loss are the seeds of true love.
Give it time
In some cases, you may be eager to love again after a breakup to replace the companionship that you felt with your former partner. While loving again after heartbreak is a great feat, it is best not to rush into it. If you try to fall in love again too quickly, you are likely to be still holding on to some emotional baggage from your past relationship that could be detrimental to your attempts to love again.
Even if you think you are ready to love again very soon after enduring heartbreak, it actually may be harder to find someone to date, as many people unconsciously put up some emotional barriers in the wake of heartbreak. Trying to date too soon after a breakup can make you feel even more discouraged about the possibility of finding love again in the future.
One study suggests that it takes most people about 11 weeks to see their past relationship in a new light and truly feel ready to move on. Try giving yourself about three months to heal before starting a new relationship so that you give yourself the best shot at finding love again with the right person.
Don’t have any expectations going into future relationship
Life hardly ever goes as expected, so having any anticipations about how it will unfold can lead to huge disappointments later on. No relationship will ever offer perfection, so don’t go in to relationships with preconceived ideas about how your partner will react to a certain situation or how long the relationship will last. You can never entirely predict anything, from people to the weather to what your life will be like even 5 minutes from now.
Just enjoy the ride and take life as it comes rather than wishing or demanding certain situations from life; remember, the universe will always give you what you need, even if that differs from what you want at the time.
Enjoy your spanking new single status
It’s a case of the grass being greener on the other side, but for once, learn to enjoy the other side of the fence. You’re single, so start loving it!
You’ve probably been in a relationship for a while, which explains why you’re heartbroken and upset. But don’t let that hold you down. Spend more time with friends of the opposite sex. They may be friends, but there’s always a teeny bit of sexual tension and flirting fun even between friends. And you could use that now to feel better about yourself.
Speak with friends of the opposite sex late into the night, call your crushes and friends that have a crush on you. You probably had to avoid these friends earlier, what with you being in a relationship and all, but now you can speak to all these people for hours. If you want to understand the secret behind knowing how to experience happiness and how to love again, always look for the silver lining in every dark cloud. Optimistic and happy people enjoy their lives no matter what hurdles they face. We really can’t say the same about the sad pessimists, can we?
It’s alright to remember your ex
When you’re walking out of a bad breakup and trying to fall in love again, it’s obvious that you’d be bothered by the memories of your past. At times, you may also be specifically looking for someone who reminds you of your ex, just so you can feel complete again.
Don’t remember your ex for all the wrong reasons. Remember your ex for the fact that they caused you more pain than you could bear, and you’re still trying to erase that memory and trying to replace it with new and happier memories. As long as you stay firm on your decision to never get back into that painful relationship, you will have the strength to avoid any let’s-get-back-together requests from your old flame.
Take that leap of faith
While you’re out there, ready to fall in love and having a great time meeting new people, you may just come across someone who sweeps you off your feet or makes time stand still. It may be a chance meeting or a fixed date, but when you do meet that person who makes you feel special and cared for all over again, make an effort to test the waters, now that you know how to fall in love again after a break up.
It may take a while or it may happen sooner than you think, but as long as you’re having a great life anyways, who’s complaining?
Take a leap of faith and take that chance on true love when you feel like you’ve met the one you’ve been looking for. After all, isn’t that what love is all about, taking chances?!
Always look at the bright side of life and learn from your experiences. It’ll make you feel better, and your life a lot more fulfilling. Understanding how to fall in love again after a break up may seem unthinkable, but it’s far easier than what people give it credit for. Prepare yourself for a happy life, and love will find its own way into your life.