Is there still a glimpse of love in me?
Most people enter a relationship with love in their hearts. Instead of starting with the other and his or her shortcomings, focus on yourself first. Try to remember what you loved and how it felt.
Be specific. You might want to write about your love without mentioning how you have disconnected from this experience since then. Preferably, your partner wants to participate in this exercise and write her or his own love letter, but the first step is to reach into your own heart.
Ask yourself where your love has gone
Love can hide behind judgment, sadness, and fear, to name but a few obstacles. We are not capable of loving another when we are habitually judging ourselves over every shortcoming. When you are hard on yourself, you are likely to be hard on your partner once the honeymoon period is over. On the other hand, you might have entered the relationship with sadness or fear. In the beginning of your relationship, your excitement might have overridden your characteristic experiences. If this is the case, do not blame the other for their reoccurrence, but explore them with kindness, if necessary with a psychotherapist.
Are you addicted to external stimulation?
Bombarded with information and accustomed to instant gratification, we might not know how to receive subtler messages of love. Who has time for complexities? Most of us do not recognize our addiction to “easy.” We just feel bored and blame the other for not being more exciting. Satisfying relationships need time and dedication. While acknowledging one’s own propensity for boredom is a good beginning, learning the art of meditation is better. Don’t be intimidated by the word “meditation.” It is just stilling the mind and paying attention to the present moment. There are many ways to meditate, such as walking in gardens and forests, gardening, sitting for the sake of sitting, listening to water fountains, birds, and other music. Become still in yourself and notice the ordinary gifts of life. Happiness is being here.
Do not feel guilty about feeling lonely
It is common to blame oneself for one’s loneliness. I have heard countless times how “Nobody owes you anything!” and “You should not feel lonely when the universe gives you so much.” Don’t let yourself be shamed for your honest experience. Loneliness is an enormous cultural issue, and you have every right to address it within your relationship.
Realize that loneliness is a feeling
This feeling was triggered by a thought or memory (the thought of having no friends, no-one to share this experience with). Usually this thought or feeling represents a fear you have and fears are labeled a threat in your mind. By realizing that loneliness is a feeling and that this feeling comes from a memory or thought, makes it easier for you to fight that memory or thought.
Make the first move
Yes, the ego won’t let you do that but think is it actually worth to further into a shell? If you do not approach your partner and emote, then the distance will only get farther. It isn’t going to resolve a single thing if you are going to be in a chasm. Even if your partner is at fault, make the first attempt. Start easing out by asking him simple things like how was your day at work or perhaps discuss any current news or simply offer him a late night coffee. Give him a hug or a peck when he leaves for office in the morning. If you think that you are at fault and you have been shutting down for him, then go upright and apologize.
Practicing mindfulness allows you to become attuned to whether you’re being yourself or playing a role in your relationship. It’s particularly effective because it helps you to connect authentically to others.
The more you can be yourself around others, the more opportunity to make genuine and fulfilling connections. The act of making yourself vulnerable and letting someone in empowers you. Seeing the “real” you empowers you, comforts you, connects you, and even grounds you.
It is very hard to brush away relationship problems until and unless the partners timely express their emotions towards each other and communicate properly. Hence, ensure that there is open communication and both of you are honest. If you are feeling lonely, voice your thoughts and express why you feel lonely. There are chances that your partner will understand and you two can tackle the whole issue. If you are not a vocal person, then write to him about your feelings. Email and texts can also prove to be very helpful but choose the right words that are not offensive or provoke a fight.
Let your partner know how lonely you feel
It is bad enough to feel lonely in your relationship. As long as there is no abusive behavior, do not hide your loneliness from yourself or your partner. It is crucial information. Sometimes it is impossible to be on the same wavelength, but when you can freely express your disappointment over this fact, you might emerge from the experience as two people swimming in one ocean.
Don't assume you're understood
We’re going to go out on a limb here and say that you’re probably not dating a mind reader. Many times, we make the assumption that people should know what we need or what hurts us—especially when it’s a partner we’ve been with for a long time or are married to.
Ask for what you need in a calm, gentle, and vulnerable way. Once your person understands what you need, it is easier for them to comfort you, which in turn dissolves your emotional loneliness.
An empty mind is a devils mind. Loneliness in a relationship can also occur if you aren’t occupied at all and your partner is. Your partner cannot be giving you all his time and it is unfair to expect so from him. Take up an activity or explore your areas of interest and get yourself busy. This will help you evade deserted thoughts and will help you find purpose in life. It is important to be productive and resourceful to make peace with the silent ghost.
Loneliness isn’t an easy problem to confront in a relationship. There’s no steadfast answer that will work for everyone, but your best bet begins with action and patience. Don’t be afraid to talk about how you’re feeling and you may find the power to change it.