Be a little distant
For some reason, it's been engraved in our brains that guys are just too dumb to realize we like them, and it's up to us to let them know. I'm sorry, but . . . what?
We've made male romantic laziness a norm, and it needs to stop. Instead of going after the guy, let him come to you. Make him work for your attention because you deserve someone who's willing to put in some effort. And if that effort doesn't start in the beginning, then (newsflash!) it never will.
Women who play hard to get never act too interested. They never spend too much time chatting with a guy right after meeting him, and definitely no kissing on the first date.
If you worried that making him work might chase him off, then let him go. He wasn't worth your time anyway.
Give the attention he needs, not the attention he wants
Just as people have limits as far as how much they can handle, they also have minimums as far as how little they're willing to accept. You have to get into your crush's head to figure out how much attention is too much.
When does it cross over? When your crush no longer feels like he needs to work for your attention. Not that your crush ought to be constantly working for your attention, but he needs to be giving a little bit.
And be careful about not giving your crush enough attention -- if he doesn't feel that you care, he will call it quits.
Avoid being or appearing to be needy
Being desperate or clingy is the COMPLETE opposite of playing hard to get. Develop the patience to let things develop at a pace based on someone else's interest rather than on yours. Don't let the fact that all your friends seem to have that special someone make you impatient; instead, pace yourself and take it easy it just isn't your time yet and there is no deadline on pairing up with another person.
- Don't initiate contact. Let him be the first to come to you. The person who makes the first move is always put in a weaker bargaining position than the person who chooses whether or not to accept it.
- Don't be the first to call. Let him call you. Remember, men like to know that you're interested, but they still like the thrill of the chase.
- Don't be the one to set up the first dates. Instead, give him hints if he needs nudging along: "My friend just bailed on the camping trip, so it looks like I'm going to be free this next weekend."
Give him affection, but always take your space
Relationships are often disappointing because people in the relationship are aiming for something impossible.
I know that you want the two of you to become one, but that will never actually happen. You two will always be separate individuals. So let this person be themselves, and let you be you. Do your own things, and then do the rest together.
The beauty of spending time apart is that it regularly reminds you how important the other person is to you. It allows you to miss this person.
The truth is that you can't miss someone who's always there -- and you want this person to miss you. Spend enough time apart to ensure the time you have together is as exciting, intense and magical as it should be.
Make him work for it, but don’t forget to put in some effort yourself
You want the person you're dating to always be making an effort.
This isn't to say your crush must always be on his or her toes, always making sure to give you attention and feeling like they're always putting in an enormous amount of effort. That's exhausting. But you do want him to feel like he should always make an effort. You want your crush to want to always make an effort.
Playing hard to get is a game, one played by two people. You want the other person to work for you, just as you want him or her to make you work for him.
Be as vague as you can get away with
The key is to keep the other person asking questions so that they can find out more about you. For example:
- If asked what you did last weekend, say "I hung out with some people I know."
- If asked what you're doing this Friday, say "I'm not sure yet."
- Use a lighthearted, flirtatious tone, and smile. You don't want to sound completely uninterested or flippant, so even if you keep your answers short, keep them sweet as well.
- The habit of never quite answering with the entire facts can be a useful habit to start even at the beginning of a confirmed relationship, as it lets the other person know what will happen if they pry too much! This lets you maintain your boundaries.
Don’t blow up his phone, find the initiation ratio
You’re thinking of him, so you want to text him several times a day. But until you know he’s equally as into you, hold off.
Instead, use what I call the Text Initiation Ratio: for every two of his calls or texts, initiate your own. You want to make sure he’s reaching out because he wants to talk to you, not in response to you always initiating the conversation.
Also if you wait to text him (until it’s your turn), you’ll have more to say, rather than disrupting his day a million times with trivial things. Later, as you get to know each other as a couple, you may end up doing that, but in the early days, especially if you’re trying to learn how to play hard to get, resist texting or calling every single time you want to. Show a little restraint, m’lady!
Also if it ends up that this situation doesn’t work out, you’ll be more tuned into that fact if he rarely texts you. When you text all the time, you don’t notice that he never initiates. But if you wait for him to initiate at least 2/3 of the time, you quickly notice when the time between texts stretches out to days.
Open the window, but don’t let him jump through
You should always be careful with whom you let in. Not all people deserve to get to know you on an intimate level.
Instead of laying your hand on the table, show your crush one card at a time. Pull back the curtains, even open the window, but don't let him leap until it's time.
Think about it this way: If your goal is to find someone to spend your life with, then you should approach each relationship as if it has the potential to become what you're looking for (if it doesn't have the potential of becoming what you want it to become, then you shouldn't be in the relationship in the first place).
And considering you have a lifetime, take your time. Get to know each other slowly. Don't rush this process, because it's more fun not to.
Don’t be afraid to reject and be rejected
Unless you want to say “yes” to every guy who looks in your direction, you’re going to have to hand out a few solid “no”s every now and then. Rejection is a part of life. Think of it this way — it’s worse to waste a man’s time and lead him on when you already know he’s not right for you than it is to gracefully decline. The kinder thing to do is to let him know you’re just not interested so you can both keep looking for real love.
In conclusion, you don’t have to master how to play hard to get in order to have a man fall head over heels for you. These tips are merely a way to keep you and your emotions in check, ensuring that he’s responding in kind in his actions and behavior. Falling in love is best done together. It’s not a one-sided situation (well, sometimes it is, but that sucks). Just try to move slowly when dating someone new and pay attention to what’s going on. It’s easy to be consumed by the butterflies in your stomach and the sparkles in your eyes, but I want you to also have a realistic view of what’s going on so that you don’t get hurt.