Healing A Broken Heart: 10 Simple Ways To Get Over Your First Love
It's ok to mourn
Be sad. This may sound counterproductive, but you cannot move on properly or with a healthy attitude if you haven’t given yourself time to grieve. You will miss this person, it is inevitable. There are routines you had, things you did, and moments you shared that are tough to let go of.
And you have every right to be upset. Don’t let anyone force you to move on and be happy before you are ready. When the time is right you will know when to get back to everyday life.
Know that feelings are ever-changing
It was once explained to me perfectly how to view feelings. Think of a movie: When you’re watching a movie, one minute you feel happy, the next you’re laughing, then you’re crying, then you’re happy again. Feelings come and go like waves; they change. When you’re going through a breakup, it’s natural to think: “Will I always feel this way?”
You won’t even feel this way the whole time you’re going through the toughest part. Even if in your mind you were sad all day, there were probably moments where you saw your dog and your feelings went to love, or your friend sent you a funny video and it made you laugh. Be conscious of your feelings and notice when they switch to feelings of joy, happiness, gratitude, clarity or excitement and relish in those moments.
Feelings will come and go, they are there to simply be felt.
Watch for unrealistic thought patterns
If you're reeling from the loss of a first love, you may be prone to catastrophic thinking. For example, you may think things like, "I'll never love anyone again" or "I'll never be happy again." When you catch yourself engaging in such thoughts, stop and challenge them.
No two relationships are alike. You're right to think you'll never feel exactly the same way again. However, this does not mean you'll never love or be happy again. Be realistic. Most people do not end up with their first love. Think about your parents, friends, or other family members. They probably all experienced the loss of a first love, but ended up in healthy relationships later on.
Be specific. For example, if you find yourself thinking that you will never find love again, replace that thought with something like, “If I start dating again when I’m ready, I’ll almost certainly find love again. It’s very unlikely that I’ll end up alone.” Remind yourself that, while things are difficult now, in all likelihood you will love again and be happy again, even if it takes time.
Express what you’re going through to people you trust
One of the hardest things to do is to go through a breakup and for the people around you to be unaware of it. You fake smile, fake enjoy yourself, when all you want to do is cry.
Use this breakup or letting go of the past as a chance to grow closer and have a more open relationship with your friends or family.
It helps to know that the people you’re with also know what you’re going through. Even if you’re out and about with them and not talking about the the relationship, just knowing that you aren’t hiding something that’s taking up a lot of your energy will give you a sense of ease. It will also allow you to groove into the present moment because it will help you to get out of your head and into what you’re currently doing or experiencing. PS – in the present moment is where joy can happen!
Talking to someone like a friend, coach or therapist can also give you a broader perspective of the relationship. Sometimes taking a step out of your own mind makes you realize why this breakup or letting go is so beneficial for you.
Stay in the present
After a breakup, we tend to fantasize and glorify the past. Somehow, that terrible ex we had doesn't seem that bad anymore. Those huge fights? They were just silly arguments. And our significant other wasn't mean and scathing! They definitely just had a sharp sense of humor.
Once we break up with someone (or once they break up with us), it's important not to focus on who we wanted our partner to be but, instead, to remember who they actually were in the relationship. If things were truly perfect, and your relationship was great, then you and your SO would still be together. After all, it's called a breakup because something is broken.
So do your best to stay in the present and keep moving forward. Don't harp on a past that most likely didn't exist, other than in your imagination.
You almost definitely have memories and things that remind you of your first love. Whether that be a sweatshirt, photos, toothbrush, what have you, those things are like little stabs through the heart when you see them. So go through them and be sad, then put them away.
Save all photos to a hidden folder on your computer, put all their things in a box in the back of your closet. These things are hard to look at right now, but eventually, they can help you come to peace. Tossing them out can feel good in the moment, but later on, you might wish you didn’t.
When your heart has been broken, it's very important to prioritize self-love and self-care. Of course, it can be easy to direct your attention everywhere else other than yourself after a breakup. You might download every dating app on the planet, online shop until you're broke, or order Domino's pizza every single night. Maybe you splurge on an expensive vacation or watch so much Netflix that your computer spontaneously combusts.
Instead on focusing on outside sources for happiness, though, it's important that you direct your attention inward. Meditate, journal, see a therapist, and learn from your mistakes. Take plenty of time to sleep, drink water, and eat healthfully. Clean your apartment and go through your closet. Have a spa day. The more energy you put into yourself and your personal space following a breakup, the more confident and healed you will feel.
A broken heart is bad news, and I wouldn't wish one upon my worst enemy. If you're trying to heal from losing your first big love, remember the love of your life is actually you. As long as you practice self-love, stay active, and put yourself first, you'll always feel joy and stability, no matter what is going on your life. Celebrate yourself, and you'll get over your ex in no time.
It’s your first love
First experiences are always special and memorable. Don’t hate it or try forgetting it. It’s an experience that’s worth holding on to. The pain may be fresh in your heart today. But soon, you’ll forget all about it as long as you let the wound heal naturally.
A first love is like the first time you travelled to a new city, or graduated, or any other special first time. You remember your first times because it’s a special moment, but the details start to get hazy over time. And just like that, your first love will start to fade and get hazy too. But the harder you try to forget it, the longer it’ll stick to your mind.
It’s not the end of the world
Yes, it hurts. But guess what, you’re still alive and kicking. Getting over a heartbreak is all in your own head. If you can make up your mind to stand up and face the world, you’ll find it easier to cope with the pain.
You had a lot of best friends in your lifetime. But see how you’ve moved away from most of them over the years? Love works the same way too.
You’ll get over it
Time heals everything. You may feel like the world’s collapsing on you right now. But trust me, it will all pass. The pain may hurt you a lot for a week or two, but if you try your best to get over it by using these tips, you’ll be able to overcome the pain and move on, a better person.
You’ll get over your first love. But you won’t forget that person. And you don’t have to.
Figuring out how to move on from your first love is a process I remember well. It was not easy, but with some time, reflection, and good friends you can move forward with your love life. Use these tips on how to get over your first love and you’ll feel better soon. You don’t really need to erase the memory of your first love. You just need the strength to get over it and move on. After all, you can always cherish a memory without getting affected by it.