You don't trust easily
You doubt every little thing, you stalk social media sites, you snoop on your partner, or you feel threatened easily.
Try to practice mindfulness and journal about when you feel this way. "Can you challenge your thoughts and look at a scenario giving your partner the benefit of the doubt?" It helps you challenge your negative thought patterns and helps you become more aware of where your feelings are coming from. You will learn how to better cope with reactions and thoughts rather than projecting them onto your partner and then laser focusing on something potentially superficial and irrelevant.
Fear of losing your mate
One sign that you are insecure in your relationship is the constant fear of losing your mate. Insecurities make you feel like you aren’t worth someone’s time and so you find yourself obsessing over whether your mate really likes you, really enjoys sex, is actually attracted to you, finds you annoying, or wants to leave you for someone else. This fear seems all the more warranted when you have been through a rough patch with your partner where perhaps they did lose your trust.
Without trust, a relationship is doomed. If you are truly concerned that you will not be able to trust your mate, you should not be together.
You can’t self-soothe
Do you find that when your partner is out of contact, or you aren’t aware of his/her whereabouts, you become anxious? Your mind races, wondering where your partner is, and you play out various negative stories in your mind. You worry they have lost interest in you or are with someone they find more desirable. You text, call, and attempt to make contact with too much urgency.
Does this sound familiar? If it does, you need to be able to open a self-soothing toolkit when you become upset due to something real or imagined having to do with your partner. Consider taking 10 minutes out of your day to practice mindfulness so as to become more aware and reflective of what is going on for you in difficult moments. And, too, build strategies to take care of yourself and make yourself feel better (examples include journaling about your upset feelings, reading self-help books, and completing exercises on self-nurturing, physical exercise, and seeking social support).
You have a constant need to check their phone
You wake up in the middle of the night and see your significant other sleeping soundly beside you. What’s your first move? If you immediately grab their phone to check up on them, this point is directed towards you. You may find yourself constantly looking for opportunities to snag your partner’s phone for a minute to see who they’ve been texting, calling, direct messaging, or the like. Sure, you might think it’s innocent to monitor what they’re doing, but this invasion of privacy is one of the major signs of ROCD. This sign of insecurity can also be apparent when you have a constant need to check their Internet history and/or drop in to check up on them in person unexpectedly.
You feel unseen
Does some part of you feel unknown and unseen by your partner? Perhaps you have fun together, and they seem interested in you, but it’s not in a connecting and curious way. They don’t like for you to be upset or withdrawn, but they don’t take the time to really understand you. Deep down, you’d like someone to ask questions and take a genuine interest, but this never seems to happen in your relationships. Consider putting more work into being yourself with your partner, good and bad. Talk about your needs, emotions, and the more difficult things you deal with. If they shut you down, ignore, or minimize you, then this might not be a healthy attachment for you.
You compare yourself to your partner's exes
It's only natural to be curious about who your partner was with before you came along, but if you're constantly comparing yourself to their exes and worrying you don't measure up, that's a sure sign that your insecurities are affecting your relationship.
If your partner is into you, and you insist on comparing, it could ruin you. All the negative 'what ifs' are potential relationship killers. If you and your partner have good communication, then this is an insecurity which should be silenced with the phrase 'Who are they with now? Me, or their ex?'. If you are going to compare yourself to anyone, let it be to who you could be, for yourself and for your partner.
You must do everything with your partner
Also, you may feel anxious about your partner having drinks with colleagues. Remember that a top sign of insecurity is a lack of trust. If you can’t trust your partner to use his or her discretion and maintain platonic relationships with the opposite sex, you may have insecurities to manage.
Furthermore, you’d have sacrificed many aspects of your life – friends, family, and even career – to do everything with your partner. Such abandonment is a red flag.
The need for constant reassurance
Am I attractive? Do you love me? Do you really want to be with me? Are you being faithful? Why do you like me anyway?
These are all questions that are all spurred on by insecurities. If you are insecure with yourself you may find you are constantly requesting reassurance from your spouse for validation.
Some measure of reassurance from your partner is to be expected to make you feel special in your relationship, but it should not consume your conversations. If you feel depressed or need frequent reassurance, you may consider counseling as a fantastic way to get to know yourself better and learn to love who you are.
You repeatedly break up and make up
Do you find you adore your partner one moment, and the next moment feels as if the bottom is falling out of the relationship? If you are only riding the highs, but not doing any substantive work on the relationship, then the lows will be exceedingly low. Breaking up and then making up doesn’t really solve the dysfunction in your union. It merely temporarily relieves your anxiety over the possibility of losing someone you love. However, communicating and being honest and open about the issues in the relationship — when you are both in a safe and calm state of mind — can make all of the difference.
You’re constantly accusing your partner of cheating
If your partner has never cheated before, or given you a reason to actually believe they’d cheat on you now, this unnecessary obsession might flat out kill ya! At the surface it may appear to be a simple trust issue, but it might be a lot more than that. In fact, it could be that you don’t find yourself good enough for your partner, and are scared they’ll find someone better. By continuing to accuse them of cheating, you might be ultimately putting a guilt trip on them to stay with you.
You feel as if life is in constant limbo
Do you desire long-term plans, a commitment, or greater stability with your partner? When a person is insecure in love, they often pick partners who keep them feeling insecure. So instead of definite plans (“I’ll pick you up at 7:00 tomorrow night”), you get: “I am not sure of my plans; let’s see how things go.” This lack of assurance leaves you spinning. You wonder what’s going to happen in the relationship, if this person is definitely into you or not. Consider if you have picked someone who lacks the capacity to really commit in a way that makes you feel safe and secure. Remind yourself it is a perfectly natural human need to want to know where you are headed and what to expect going forward.
If you find yourself constantly suspicious of your mate and feel the need to gather information about their whereabouts with questions like “How long were you gone?” and “Who were you with?” these are clear signs that you are insecure in your relationship. Work on building trust with your mate and create goals that revolve around getting to know yourself better. Your mate cannot take away your insecurities, only you can.